Tag Archives: kids

Balance vs Bigger Pants.

MMMMMMMM.

MORE!

 

Someone who revolves life around eating and drinking the way I do has two choices, the way I see it:

  1. Do some exercise to keep things burning and keep plowing through the calories
  2. Keep having to buy bigger pants

Each of these options has treated me well at various stages in the life of Keri.

Each of them has also done me mega-wrong at some point as well.

Since I have really cute pants in the line-up just now, and since (in spite of my constant allusions to it being so suburbany-stupid-big,) I could conceivably run out of room in my closet if I keep going the new pants route, incorporating some purposeful movement into things tends to win out lately.

Prior to the arrival of Jr., I was the “go to the gym to work out” type. Spinning and Deep Water Aerobics were favorite classes, and it all happened at 5:30 am at the fitness center attached to the university where I worked, leaving me plenty of time to put myself together in the cushy locker area and trot across the street to start my work day.

Maybe it is the three years of intermittent sleep-deprivation that came as a free-gift-with-purchase with Jr., but I look back now and think “How the HELL did I ever get anywhere by 5:30 am? How did I not fall off that bike more? (Side note, I actually did fall of that bike once. It was spectacularly embarrassing and to this day I blame faulty padding in my cushy-assed bike shorts, but whatever. )

There is no working the family schedule with that kind of sitch at this point anyway, so I don’t have to pretend that sounds even remotely appealing anymore.

Last year I did a membership to the rec center located close to us, and worked my visits into midday hours when Jr is ensconced at day care or hanging with NeNe-the-wonder-grandma.

Fitting in was not something that really happened for me there. I opted out of another year of that.

When it isn’t snot-freezing cold or swass-inducing hot, (Google it,)  it is nice to take it outside into the Colorado sunshine (although my outdoor activity reputation does lean more toward the “happy hour on the patio” variety, I confess.)

HOWEVER, at this point, the option that sees the most action in my suburban existence is the vast selection of OnDemand workouts courtesy of cable TV. With baby monitor in hand, dressed in jammies, in the semi-dark of the 6a.m. living room, and with nobody to judge me but the dog. (Which he does harshly, if the volume of his sighs is any indication. I swear I’ve seen him roll his eyes a few times.)

The unintended bastardisation of the demonstrated movements that takes place during these early morning displays is nothing shy of mortifying, I am sure.

If The Mr. ever wants to win big on America’s Funniest Home Videos or achieve viral YouTube success, capturing one of those sessions would get him quickly to his goal. :::making mental note to check for cameras in living room:::

BE THAT AS IT MAY – I have found some selections that have kicked my ass, leaving me dripping and panting and finding ways to use muscles I didn’t know I even had.

My ridiculously uncoordinated exhibitions are over-and-done-with before the rest of the fam is even starting to stir, and I am on my way to planning my day based heavily on what to eat (and what to wash it down with.)

No muss, no fuss.

No witnesses.

 

Now, let’s get nachos, yes?

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Monday morning drop off.

This morning was the first time I actually dropped Jr off in the pre-school class room instead of his “twos” room. He is not two.  He is three.  Also he has been slowly spending more and more time in pre-school, and last week was there all day except for the very beginning and end of each day.  He was a bit trepidatious,  but saw a teacher he likes playing with blocks that he loves, and after one extra hug, off he went to join in the fun.

He was ready.

As it turns out, I was not.

I walked out to put his lunch in the fridge and ducked into the dark, quiet gym to try to get the tears out of my eyes (believe me, they know that Keri is a crier at his school, but I was surprised that it hit me like that, and wanted to pull it together. )

I could hear him giggle and start to tell his friends about his birthday party over the weekend “I got a fire truck and a bike and CUPCAKES….”    I gave up trying to stop the waterworks and decided to make a run for it and just get to the parking lot and let go.

Back in the Keri Mobile, I was winding up to do just that, when another mom came out and climbed in the minivan next to me.  Then she suddenly jumped out, shut the door and ran to the sidewalk where she stood clutching her chest and staring at the van.  I looked up at her in a teary haze.

“That’s not my car!” she exclaimed.

She got in someone else’s minivan.  In a parking lot in the burbs.  Because there are so damn many out here.  This struck me as VERY funny, in my over emotional, crazy mom state.  I laughed so hard, it probably looked like I was being tickled by the invisible man or something.

She giggled and turned red, then walked to the next (fairly well identical) van, got in, and drove away.

I half expected the owner of the van to climb in and pause, sensing a disturbance in her swagger wagon force, but she just drove away, sitting where a stranger’s buns had been only a few minutes before.

It was a roller coaster of emotion to deal with before 8 a.m. on a Monday morning.

Keri had to stop for a coffee.

 

 

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He’s a Knockout. Just Sayin’.

A toddler may seem small and not super strong.
But a toddler hurling a piece of wooden train track in response to being told it is nap time?
That kid can damn near break your nose.

Just Sayin’.

:::repositioning ice pack::::

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SHIVER ME TIMBERS!!

Keri can be a bit salty.
I love a well-chosen swear-word, it is true. When speaking colorfully, sometimes only off-color will do.
We are all adults here, so why fight it, right?
Except not-so-much.
Enter the toddler. He repeats stuff. At truly horrifying times.

Let’s just say that at least one of the things in this early 2000’s commercial has actually been said by me.  And repeated by Jr.

I will NEVER tell which it is. (Ok, get a few in me and I kind of love to tell the story – but I will never WRITE IT DOWN for my five many readers to see here.)

This means that I have to be a wee bit choosy in my excited utterances and, um, decorative phrasing, let’s just call it.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!

Our recent trip to Texas helped quite a bit with everyday, run-of-the-mill type needs – slam finger in cabinet? “Oh Sssssssugar… hey there Jr, Mommy is glad she saw you there.  Sugar, mommy said Sugar.”

A good old-fashioned southern “BLESS MY SOUL!!” always works close to as well as a firm “HOLY HELL!” (one of my faves, but the former is probably better for my relationship with The J.C. anyhoo, so, I guess it’s good to replace that one even without Jr.)

BUT the cold lately has really brought out the need for extreme language.  (FYI, I live in Colorado, I know it is cold here sometimes.  Seriously though people,  when “zero” is the warmest it gets for days, that is not typical Colorado cold. )

Even if I manage to contain myself when I exit daycare with Jr. in tow, by the time I get him into his Jr. seat, correctly buckled and tightened, and all of his blankies tucked around on top of that (safety AND warmth, that’s my motto,) I have been standing out in the cold for quite a piece of time.

It’s the damn blessed frozen jeans thing, folks.  Sitting down in my seat and having that cold denim tighten down on my upper legs? I lose verbal control.

Well, mostly – because I have managed NOT to actually curse.  BUT it has resulted in some truly spectacular replacement phrases, such as:

“SHIVER ME TIMBERS!!”

“FIBBER McGEE AND MOLLY!!” (too much radio classics on Sirius)

“OLD MOTHER HUBBARD!”

“MOTHER MARY MAY I?!”

“STRAIGHT OUTTA COMPTON!” (throwback to my hardcore roots.  giggle snort.)

“SON OF A MOTHERLESS GOAT!!” (I think I stole this from Steve Martin. Not sure though.)

“AMARILLO  BY MORNING!!”

“SWEET SASSY MOLASSY!!” (Yeah, that’s from a women’s bowling skit on SNL, Keri.  And it kind of annoyed you, so why is is coming up now?)

“JOHNNY CASH!”

Each of these things gets “IT’S COLD OUT HERE” or “MY PANTS ARE FREEZING” stuck on the end of them…

Basically it is like speaking in tongues but from the not-quite-frozen depths of my memory.

It actually really hits the spot – satisfies the need for some sort of exclamation and also instills a sense of pride at the control AND the creativity.

Then again – what do you do with a 2 year old who drops his glass of milk and yells ” WELCOME BACK KOTTER!!  MY MILK!!!” in the middle of school snack time?

Hey, I’m trying.

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Snow kidding. Just Sayin’.

Why doesn’t snow seem like this much fun to adults?

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Just Sayin’.

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