I miss naps.
Like, I really EFFING miss naps.
Naps are just not part of my universe at this point, and honestly? There is a nap-shaped hole in Keri’s heart.
In my past I was an EPIC napper. A napper for the ages. A napper on a competitive scale (but I didn’t go pro, because I didn’t want to risk losing my ability to compete in the nap Olympics, I guess.)
Napping has long been a favorite ritual of mine – waaaaaay back into the days of Keri-yore. (Yep, I just said that – it’s a thing now.)
When I was in middle school, we had the Ahhhh-mazingly ugly Blue Flowered Sofa in our living room. It was something special, for sure. The arm rests were large and rolled, and fit perfectly in the crook of your neck when you laid down on it. So I did. Lay down on it, I mean. Pretty much every day after school until my mom got home and woke me up, I would nap. (I freaking miss you, Blue Flowered Sofa.)
In high school and college power naps were a MUST, since I was NOT making responsible choices about bedtimes AT ALL (I still kinda don’t.)
The months leading up to and directly following my Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis were one big blur of nap: sometimes inadvertent (falling asleep on the keyboard at work, a lot, every damn day, not knowing why I was so tired,) and on purpose (leaving my steroid infusion appointments, going directly to my parents’ office and eating a giant bag of fast food before sleeping the whole afternoon on my dad’s office floor.) MS makes you tired. Crazy tired. But napping was also a way to hide, to postpone processing, and to shut down from fear and sadness for a while.
Slowly that fog did lift, and I reclaimed the concept of nap-as-recreation. My favorite hobby.
As I settled into married life and became a mom to the cutest, fuzziest, bestest napping dog EVER, the Sunday afternoon marathon nap was solidified as a permanently scheduled calendar item for Binky-the-wonder-dog and me. This was SERIOUS business – in the bedroom, curtains drawn, under the covers, see ya in a few hours for dinner, BIG TIME NAPPING. When I was pregnant it became pretty much the whole day.
And then along came Jr….
The early days were ok, a bit foggy at first, but then we settled in and I would nap when he napped, at least sometimes.
But then he got older. Naps dropped to one a day, and I found I had to get things done at that time. Then naps – sweet sweet naps – were gone completely.
Last Sunday I was dozing a bit while he colored on his latest superhero creation and it hit me, a wave of nostalgic, wistful longing. MY NAPS!! My precious naps…. They have no place now.
And I still stay up way too late – now grabbing a little time for myself or writing or prepping for the next day of life for the family…. And we just go and we go and we go.
I am so freakin’ tired.
Oh naps…. I think I miss you most of all.