March 8, 2017 · 1:48 pm
If you should say, for example, feel some mounting frustration at someone in your world :::cough cough::: I totally mean The Mr. ::cough sputter cough cough::: and feel the need to mutter snide/sarcastic/petty/you get my drift comments under your breath about said person, learn from my mistake.
Before doing so – check the area for your offspring. Do NOT do so within even POSSIBLE earshot of said offspring.
Because family car rides go from awesome to awkward quicker than The Mr taking a corner inappropriately fast when Jr remarks innocently from the back seat “But daddy, you don’t know where we are going. You don’t even know your ass from your elbow.”
BTW – just because it is awkward, doesn’t mean it isn’t true.
*also – when you write a blog post… make sure it doesn’t sit in your drafts folder for a couple weeks. Like this one did. Good tip, Keri.
January 16, 2017 · 10:55 am
There is no more revered and regarded event within our family’s weekly calendar than the meal which is so spectacular that it straddles the social norms for both timing and menu of TWO meals.
It is serious and significant family bonding time for us.
Yesterday morning at The Post, that family bonding hit a snag, people.
The entire damn family got stumped over the kids menu word scramble. We brought it home, but even minus the glorious glow of my Sunday mimosa, I am still at a loss.
Don’t judge me, HELP ME! WTF is that word:
Btw, if you follow me on Snapchat, you get these gems delivered right to your phone. @reluctntnburbs
I have an English degree, damnit- IT’S A DEGREE IN WORDS, FFS!!
Beat by the brunchy kids’ menu….
That’s a low even an extra mimosa (almost) can’t repair.
October 26, 2016 · 9:00 am
I like to think (and I am not even ashamed to admit,) that I have acclimated to my less-than-urban surroundings fairly well at this point.
I can navigate the stores at the comically large local outdoor shopping area with my eyes closed.
During school drop off and pick up, I show extreme patience for my fellow parents who are, um let’s just say “parallel-parking-impaired.”
We frolic in the wide open spaces – on the trails, in the fields and foothills of our surrounding area.
After all – I was raised here, right?
So we have to have an agreement, my fair and reasonable readers… I will tell you a secret that no one but me (and possibly a King Soopers security guard who I HOPE hadn’t had enough coffee to actually be paying attention to the cameras,) knows:
See this trash can? It is what we call a “bear proof can” here at the base of the beautiful Rocky Mountains. (In my town it is probably more “coyote and raccoon proof” but we don’t get specific.) They do NOT exist in the city, I can tell ya that.
For SEVERAL minutes this morning, it was a Keri-proof can. Could NOT for the life of me figure out how to trip the mechanism in the stupid handle. Even tried the one on the other side of the door because I thought the first one had to be broken. No Keri – the user was broken.
After the first minute or so it became a battle of will – there was NO WAY I wasn’t opening that effing can. And I did. Then it slammed shut and almost ate my hand.
I guess I still have a ways to go out here if I can’t throw away my pile of fast food shame trash without getting in 5 minute fight with an overly complicated trashcan.
*PS – I know it’s been a bit quiet around here lately. Just getting Jr over the “beginning of big kid school ” hump. Stay tuned.
April 19, 2016 · 3:22 pm
Me last night: “ugh I’m sick… everything hurts.” Spends night coughing on sofa.
Drags through morning to drop Jr off at school, stops to buy out cold aisle at Walgreens.
Lays down on sofa and falls asleep in feverish heap of tissues, zinc, and Dayquil as husband leaves house.
The Mr, upon returning to find me in same feverish heap: “Oh, are you sick ?”
January 25, 2016 · 4:17 pm
Let’s say your dog scratches hell out of the leather sofa (more to come on that, because BELIEVE when I say I have some lessons learned about it,) and you are tasked with dealing with that situation.
Let’s also say you are on your second trip in one day to the store for various leather treatment/color/conditioning supplies. It MIGHT be best to just concentrate on selecting and purchasing those supplies, and not grabbing anything else you might be needing outside of that task.
BUT – if you decide to grab said other things, at least do it AFTER you have selected the leather supplies, or you might find yourself deep in thought in front of the shoe polish, absentmindedly tapping a box of panty (cringe) liners up against your chin. You might also be so startled when a clerk asks if you need help finding anything, that you gesture wildly in the direction of the polishes with said liners while explaining your lack of “cordovan polish” understanding.
If all this happens, it will NOT result in the answers you seek.