Category Archives: musing

Meanwhile…

….back at the Mess er, Ranch, this was the scene in the kitch tonight.

image

Those would be my Daddy’s (yes I am old, yes it is still “Daddy,” he earned the title, he gets it forever,) legs sticking out from our as-of-now-still-ugly cabinets, as he unhooks the plumbing to get us ready for new counters tomorrow.
That’s another fun little tid bit about my life here then and now, my family owns an old and very well-respected plumbing company in these parts.  Couldn’t be prouder of who I am – the plumber’s daughter is one part of my identity I never struggled with.
And it is always fun to tisk-tisk at your friends as you climb under their sink to unclog the disposal they crammed with celery. (I’m very handy at parties.)
It will be good to get an actual “after” picture to go with the “before” shots coming out of this joint lately.
I just hope to hell the installers don’t make a scene in the circle this time.

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The Omen, HGTV version

When we finally finished the last of the renovation work on the Tree House (my pet name for our highrise condo,) we swore up, down, and sideways we would never get another place that needed so much updating.  Bathrooms, the kitchen, flooring, deck resurfacing…. on and on it went. (Not to mention we change paint colors on a pretty regular basis- The Mr. and our painter had a bromance of epic proportions. )
Ugh.
We are not good at it- we usually spend the timeline of the project trading who wants to mow who with the car…. so far we have both missed decided against going through with it. 
So far.

The suck of it all?
It turns out we are attracted to places like that because nothing, no matter how “done” it is, ever actually feels like us until we rip it up a little.

We are so NOT Mr. and Mrs. DIY.  You won’t see us trolling Home Depot with one of those uber-carts piling up sheet rock and lumber and power tools together.
We hire it out, prep the space and go into reno-mode.
This involves martinis, take out, and lots of barely talking to each other while spending every moment we possibly can on the patio and NOT inside the war construction zone.

We have almost notoriously bad reno-karma. 

So when this morning’s start to the kitchen cabinet refinishing went from zero to insane-crew-member creating a scene in the street and then peeling out of the subdivision, twice, I guess we shouldn’t have been surprised.
But we still were.

If I’m going to live in a freaking soap opera, can we get some shirtless hot dudes up in here?

FFS, anything that involves more than the big box carpet installer dudes seems to mean 3 of The 4 Horsemen will most likely be the workers who show up (Or at least stop by for a material drop to make sure shit is going adequately off the rails?)

COME ON!!

Also – it’s fine to call a pint glass a “stemless martini glass,” right?
Because I need to upsize the drink like we upsized the house that needs work.

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Who I was when I was here before.

The scary-ass truth of the whole mess is that this town made me who I am – I am forcing it to own up, even if it doesn’t want to.

Because before I was the walking mound of dorkbomb awesome I am today,  I was Tiny Me – one half of the town fixture set of sweet little blonde twins riding bikes and going to dance class and selling Girl Scout cookies and generally doing our gleeful little girl thang in the Colorado sunshine of our safe and friendly hometown. (Gosh we were cute.)

Time passed – and I was Teenage Me.  Not really a bad thing, unless you are my mom (sorry, mommy…  love you.  Seriously.)  Even then – in all my teenage angst – I was still very connected to our growing burg.  I sat on the Coordinators’ board at the local teen center from 6-12th grade. Hell my graduation speech was about how our little town had grown up with my class.

I got to try on all the different identities that appealed to my fickle Gemini teenage girl self – here where mountains-meet-prairie-meet-civilization they all made perfect sense.

-Wanna-be College Kid Me, in her Birkenstocks and wool socks baking in the sun over a cup of coffee and some pretentious novel on University Hill, nursing the broken heart of my  College Boy first love lost and buzzing back and forth to Boulder in a rusted out $600.00 Honda Civic covered in political bumper stickers. All “student council VP” and “I’m SO testing out of this class and graduating early” and overwhelming desire to get things started already.

-Angry New Wave Me,  bangs spiked straight up in the air with a mixture of egg whites and Aqua Net, Smiths t-shirt and worn out Vans cast off from the skater boy next door – smoking cigarettes under the street lamp in the middle of our tiny street with the rest of the suburban hood rats trying so hard to rebel.  (Gasp! SMOKER!! Don’t worry – grown up Keri did give it up.)  So much attitude and black eyeliner, I am lucky both came off as I got older.

-Country Sunshine Me,  cowboy boots and boot cut jeans and the reason the Bull-Riders Only logo (about 1 inch big) is tattooed on my left shoulder – not that you notice with the others that have come along since. Throwing my overnight bag in the back of the Cherokee and hauling up to Cheyenne with my oldest friend for some family hospitality and country boys, Thelma and Louise style. (Well, sans the whole “death” thing… you know.)  Hitting up the tiny county rodeos with my dad, farmer tans deepening as we walked the stalls looking the livestock up and down.

And a bajillion little mini-personas that came and went, no-harm-no-foul, as we all went through our days growing up here.  Convening at the Country Kitchen Cafe, or the 7-11, or (for the most private and sacredly secret conferences,) the hill where the water tower (now towers) presides over the town spreading out before it – where we could stand and stare out and speak into the drop off, not looking at the other person, knowing the wind might well blow the words away if we weren’t quite ready to have them truly known.

If you consider all of those versions of me – then City Me  Current Me, makes perfect sense.  An enigma, wrapped in a riddle, wrapped in a sarcastic comment, peppered with tattoos, cozied in a cardigan, rocking a pair of well worn-in cowboy boots.

I may be marinated in 17 years of city grit, but I am the monster they created here.

When I think of it like that – it is actually REALLY easy to want Jr to have every bit of the same.

Awww – she got sappy.  LAME!!

( Add that to the description: “wrapped in sappieness.”  I am uncontrollably, unabashedly sappy – and it is always a sneaker, Ninja-style Sap attack that leaves people going “awww man, she did it AGAIN!  I need another beer if she is gonna get that way about stuff.”  I know.  I just don’t care.)

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On brunch and babies and laminate counter embarrassment.

Yesterday we invited friends over for brunch, which is kind of like, the highest honor we can bestow upon someone (Because you totally care if you get some of my egg casserole and one or two of The Mr’s impossibly strong and spicy Bloody Marys right? No?  Not about you.)

Anyway – this isn’t about our reverence for brunch, or even my obsession with being the hostess (which is a neurosis for another post,) really.

It was inadvertently kind of a big deal, though.  Because as it turns out, we have had exactly NO ONE over since we moved in.

Well – no one other than my family, The Mr’s mom, and one dear family friend who came into town from The ATL and was our first overnight guest – but that is family and doesn’t count because they know all your shit anyway, and you know theirs, so any judgements cast would be kind of a chicken fight, ya know?

This particular awesome couple is 7 months along in their first pregnancy (“their”  HA!!   HER, in HER first pregnancy….. and he is there being supportive too, but seriously, whose bladder is that foot really jabbing?)   I was anxious to see them and share the joy and offer up any baby gear they might want to pick from the pile in the basement storage unit too (because kids are EXPENSIVE, and even though a baby swing may very well save your sanity in the beginning of things, that moment is fleeting, and then you are left with a lot of expensive, barely used stuff.)

It just made sense to have them out to the house, even though “house proud” isn’t exactly our family motto quite yet.  Actually, they will be one of the few to experience the kitchen pre-reno, since after they departed, I drilled out the holes for the new hardware that will go on after the cabinet refinishers do their thang at the end of this week, followed quickly the next week by the granite guys with our counters.  Things are coming along, but we are FAR from being finished with the de-generic-ifying of the abode.

Either way, in they blew, up the highway from the city and into our outbound work-in-progress.

No really.  They blew in.  Because it is so freaking windy out here, like,  All. The. Time. that I have to bite my tongue to keep from belting out the chorus of Oklahoma! every time I walk out of the house.  SERIOUSLY – I do NOT remember it being so G.D. windy here when I was growing up.  No wonder I used so much cheap hair spray when I was a teenager – it must have been a war keeping those 90’s bangs at full staff.

The Traitor  Mr. extolled the virtues of life within spit-ball distance of the foot hills, and the slower paced, wide-open-spaces existence he has become the poster-husband for; while I eyeballed how little OJ I could get away with putting in my mimosa and still be able to call it “a mimosa.”

This particular growing brood isn’t actually long for the urban jungle themselves, setting their sights on the ‘burbs on the south side of the city in the not-oh-so-distant future, so at least we could skip the long-winded explanations about that decision. (Since when did I EVER skip being long-winded about anything, though. Really.)

It was good to see them.  It was good to have them, have anyone, in our space again, actually.  To remember that the road goes both ways and most people don’t actually think like I did when we were in the heart of it all (I was seriously put out if I had to drive to even one of the outer ‘hoods.  What up, lazy?  Clearly, I’m working on it.)

So I guess the new house is officially open for business when it comes to entertaining.

Blow on in anytime, friends – the construction is ongoing, but the Bloodys are strong, the Mimosas are kissed with only a hint of pesky OJ, and if you hoist a bed sheet you can probably sail your car right off the highway and into the subdivision and save the gas.

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Ahh, the “perks”…

Set your phased-looks to stunned, because I am about to say something you’d never expect. About a month ago, I was very, VERY glad we were in the suburbs, and I still feel that way.
Jaws off floor, people, because its Qualifying Explanation Story Time!!

I confess I would have spoke of this sooner except I actually still fight tears/gasps when I picture it in my mind.
As we have determined, The Mr. has lept, gleeful-swan-dive-style, into the deep and murky waters of the burbs. This includes indulging in a few horrifying food situations that he used to reserve for business trips (to burbs in other states.) Which is how I ended up at Buffalo Wild Wings.
With my kid.
On purpose. (Well… it was on purpose for The Mr.. I mean seriously. But buffalo sauce is my 2nd favorite sauce after Queso, so there we were.)
It was packed. We had been running errands, Jr. was a little fussy, but I was prepared with the diaper bag full of toys and delicious toddler-approved foods. Except he wanted my food. Bad. So I was letting him try different things and all was well. Except he sucked on a carrot I had sliced into a size I thought would work for chawing on. I was wrong.
So, so wrong.
There was some mild hemming. Then some semi-horking. Then full-on coughing. Then I shot The Mr. a horrified look because it dawned on me what was about to occur. Then Jr. threw up. All-effing-over the place. On me, on the table, on the floor, on himself and the diaper bag and and my self-esteem-as-a-mom.
Poor kid.
He looked at me, all confused and sad and moist (blecky but true,) as I tried to figure out just where to start. The Mr. kind of shut down, less horrified than me, but still somehow frozen by his shock. Eventually the staff started to notice the stares and my attempt to clean up, and came to reassure that this was a regular occurrence (really!? Yikes.)
I extracted Jr. from the highchair and we went to the restroom (passing who I think was Brandi-who-I-grew-up-going-to-school-with, but couldn’t look in the eye right then to be sure,) to clean up.
I seriously told exactly three people, counting my mom and my sister (who don’t count, so actually just one,) because I could NOT believe my poor kid ralphed in a restaurant and I kinda caused it. Please don’t misunderstand, but what’s getting me through is that it was in the BWW, surrounded by harried families who have probably SO seen it all. And it was very much not at my beloved neighborhood bistro in our old hood. Because I would have burst into flames right there, I just know it. (I know. -selfish, lame, pathetic. True.)
We departed the joint after helping clean everything and leaving a big fat “sorry we barfed in your section” tip.
I don’t think The Mr. will be so quick to suggest BWW in the future. So I have that, I guess.

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