As I write this – I hear Jr in the basement, giggling at the FB Kids Messenger game he is playing with the neighbor kid from down the street.
Two weeks ago, FB Kids Messenger was not a thing that my kid needed access to in my opinion.
Two weeks was another damn lifetime. What did I know two weeks ago?
I have struggled already through massive highs and lows, and started posts for each of them – somehow never able to finish the thoughts. Which is fitting, really, because I can’t finish a single thought in my head anymore either. It is a constant swirling whirlpool of worries and responsibilities and checklists and hope and fear and disbelieve and realizing and over and over and on.
One day I am Super Mom – ready to Mom Up and handle the whole household through this time of crisis with a smile and understanding and a solution for every issue that arises.
The next I am despondent, concerned for my team at work, watchful and worried about my family here, and paralyzed with fear for Dr Sissy, Dr BIL, and all the other doctors, nurses, and others on the frontlines of this war.
Some days I go back and forth. A lot.
I am not a person I know. I am a stranger to myself, moment to moment – learning to be a person in this world.
So now I listen to my son on his video chat with the kiddo he would typically be riding scooters with out in front, and he is laughing.
And I am so effing grateful for that.
And that I guess, is today.