The chase

This.

This pretty much sums up EVERYTHING right now. Me in a desperate chase to just keep up.

Don’t get me wrong, although I am talking about Jr – who is quite literally always off on one rolling thing or another while I either huff and puff to keep up or watch as he straight up blows by me in a blur – it is way deeper than my kiddo’s unending need for speed.

It really is EVERYTHING. It is the startling realization that it is practically May already, and I am still congratulating myself for getting the holiday decorations down.

It’s looking over baby pictures of said tiny, freckled speed demon as they come up on Timehop, because he is suddenly SEVEN years old with all the sass and swagger and fun and flash that comes with being seven. And also with new and specific fashion rules that are as unique as they are non-negotiable, in his eyes – but whatever, you do you, Doodle (a nick name I am most certainly NOT allowed to use in front of anyone even remotely cool or important, BTW.)

It is the non-stop (and very rewarding) challenge of working for a company experiencing an amazing amount of growth. The fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants whirlwind of constantly learning about new industries and evolving technologies – and growing a stellar team and trouble-shooting and brainstorming in a dynamic environment where questions can be as big as predicting roadblocks that could be many months out, or as small as predicting where I am going to be sitting next month.

It’s that “40-something” thing that hits me when I feel or see the passage of time truly affecting my body – the nagging voice that sends me to the gym, pushes me to add the weight, or the reps…. That tells me to eat the egg whites and avocado instead of the breakfast pastry. That deep down drive that I know is me somehow trying to chase my younger years, even if I don’t want to admit that is what I am doing at all.

I like to tell myself that I have LONG given up on the whole “be perfect at everything” idea – and maybe that isn’t what I am chasing at this point. But it certainly does seem that I am always chasing after SOMETHING or another of late. Never really catching it, I think…. Just racing on to the next thing I am trying to keep up with, or thinking about what it is, with eyes rolled toward the sky in thought. I see the same face on so many of my fellow moms – in the office, in the store, at the gym. 20 steps ahead in our minds, chasing down whatever is coming next. No wonder we are all so tired!

Screw meeting for coffee, or wine – the next time I get a group of moms together I am going to skip the planning (something else to have to chase down, ) and suggest we put our damn feet up and take an hour long nap.