Category Archives: musing

Observations from the Pool

The pool.

I hear angels sing when I even think of it.
The Tree House had a good pool – it wasn’t over-the-top fancy, but it also was fantastically under-utilized by the majority of the building, leaving me and a small group of smarties to soothe away our mid-August urban angst without jockeying for position too much. (My “position” was under the big old tree that drooped in from off the street over the wall, shading my pastiness pale loveliness from the direct sun.)
Granted – since Jr. joined the scene pool time has two different versions – the one where he is with me and we have a giant bag of puddle-jumpers (Google it, until two days ago I had no idea these things had an actual name, but it is THE toddler pool accessory to sport, fo’ sho,) and graham crackers and SPF 1000 (ok, that’s always been in my bag – I really am pretty much translucent;) and the one where I am having “me” time, which involves magazines and a family-sized single-serving of some sort of “sangria” that I mixed up with random crap from the kitchen and cheap chardonnay.

Regardless – the pool is VERY important. So when we set out to drag the whole part-and-parcel of the fam out here, I impressed upon Alyssa-the-wonder-realtor that finding a subdivision with a pool was muy importante.
She came through, bless here realtor-y little heart, and we have a great pool, with HEAPS of shade for our chalky selves, complete with baby pool for Jr. (I know, I know, THE PEE! THE SNOT! THE GAWD-KNOWS-WHAT-ELSE! But seriously, he’s two, he likes a smaller body of water. I am down with that.)
That being said – the view from under the pergola at a suburban subdivision pool is a far cry from my shaded corner of urban respite, where the gossipy gay couple from the 8th floor floated off last night’s hangover face down on rafts in the deep end, and the just-starting-out married kids from the 1st floor shared generic ciggys under the perpetually-about-to-break umbrella at the aging picnic table.

What an eyeful I have now.

My first thought after plunking my towel down to stake claim on a lounger during a solo recon trip last summer was “Has the mom population of my hometown always been so taunt, tight, tanned and toned!?”
(Holy ta-tas, mamas- You Go Girls!!)

Packs of tweens and teens migrate daily to the suburban oaisis – I feel like a zoologist observing their interactions from behind my giant sunglasses- or like there should be National Geographic documentary narration dubbed in: “Here we get a close up view of a small pack of middle schoolous tween-angstivous as they undertake their complex social interactions. This group comes to the water each day seeking pizza and a chance to cool down. We observe the group, but when they are in herd formation, interaction can be risky.”

The Mr. does not pool. At least not at this moment in his life. Growing up in the ‘burbs of Houston, he pooled it up plenty in his youth, but currently it is not his thing.
This would irritate me more, except I want to reach out and flick some of the dads I see at the pool with their families, much of the time. The entrance of said family into the pool area pretty much says it all: Here comes dad – 50 feet in front of everyone, carrying nothing, not looking back at all, just walking. Trailing behind might be an older kid, carrying his or her own towel and water bottle. Way behind that is mom – holding the hand of a toddler wearing one water-wing who REALLY wants to run/jump/something else dangerous. On top of her is piled every possible thing that the entire family might need for the day; towels and duckie floaties and a picnic basket and goggles and sunblock and hats and so much other crap that you mistake her for a pack mule as she wrestles her load along, clinging to toddler’s hand and drilling holes in the back of her far-off husband’s neck.
Nope.
It’s cool honey, you go golf it up. I’ll skip that scene, thanks.

Incidentally, tattoos go over even better here than at the rec center. Do not be alarmed, neighbors!
I just want to cool my own kiddo off in the pee baby pool and do all I can to assure that he understands the awesome that is the pool.

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NAP ABORTED, RED ALERT!!

Tonight’s giant dirty martini is brought to you by a toddler who skipped his nap at school today and will scream about anything.
Anything.
This has included,(but is, I am sure, not limited to,):
wanting to see daddy
wanting daddy to go away
books that don’t sing (WTF does that mean!?)
corn touching his jello
being inside
being outside
sitting
standing
corn being on his plate at all
Thomas the tank engine (ok, he makes me want to cry too)
the possibility of “Pot Pot” (the dog) touching any toys
having to toot
having JUST tooted
his shoes
the color yellow
where did my corn go?
and finally, of course, being looked at by anyone for any reason.

Let us make this one a double, shall we?
Cheers. (Sleep tight Jr. Tomorrow will be better.)

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Pot Pot.

image

So this is my dog.

But not really just my dog. 

This is my first born son.  My baby.  The shape of my heart.  This little fuzz bomb gave me my most treasured gift, the title of “mom.”

So last night after dinner it was time for his walkies, and Jr. wanted to go along in the wagon.

The Mr, who always takes Potter out the garage door and hooks him up to the leash, went to go dig the wagon out from behind The Mr-Mobile, and off went the doggie right behind him, as always.

Except I guess my darling hub didn’t notice that Potter-pie was behind him.

Wagon extracted, I was getting Jr settled in when The Mr went inside to get the dog.

“He came out with you, honey.”

“No he didn’t.”

At this point I wheel Jr to the driveway and start calling for Potter.  The Hub goes in the door while stating over his shoulder, “don’t go out there and call for him, because he is inside.”

(Yeah, no.  And now I am panicking, because my beloved Binkeh Baby Doggie is not coming to me and I cannot see his black fluffy perfection anywhere.)

Off I ran, around the outer circle of our little ‘hood, then around the inner one surrounding the pocket park, Jr rumbling along behind me in the wagon.  He pointed out that we were bypassing the playground, but at the same time kept saying “Pot-pot run way Mommy?  When we find Pot-Pot?”

At this point I didn’t know the answer to that question, and I am sure I had the desperation of a junkie looking for a fix in my eyes as I passed neighbors taking their evening strolls and asked each one about a fluffy little black dog on the loose. 

I returned home because I remembered that I didn’t have my phone, and that is the number listed on his collar and on his microchip info, and as I was loading Jr back into the wagon, The Hub walked up with Potter safely on his leash.

He had wiggled his way into the next door neighbor’s back yard, where The Mr. found him sniffing around where some bunnies had been.  Why he didn’t come when I called him, I don’t know.

Cue the crazy relief crying break down from Mommy.  Followed by an entire night of me having at least one hand or foot physically touching his puff, so I knew exactly where he was.

Now Potter is not a runner by any means.  He isn’t one to go bolting off if he steps outside the garage or anything, which is why I was so mortified when I looked around and I couldn’t see him anywhere.

I could see the relief on The Mr’s face too, but of course I got a giant eye roll for my blubbering display.

Don’t care.

Quite simply, I can’t do without my baby dog.  I had to seriously fight the urge to jam his puff into an Ergo and wear him to the office today, where, much to my dismay, I had to come for an actual physical meeting (which happens once in a blue moon, so of course it would be today.)

What can we take from this tale?

2 things:

  1. Maybe that crazy person carrying her little dog around in inappropriate places has a better reason then we imagine.
  2. When your wife says the dog is outside, the dog is outside.  When your wife says anything, that anything is right.  You are welcome.

:::::snuggling best dog ever and providing another treat:::::

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Sparkles and sprinkles.

I don’t like fireworks.
NO WAIT.
Scratch that. I hate fireworks with a passion so firey you could use it to light,  well, fireworks.  (But FFS, please don’t!)

My reasons are many and varied, actually; ranging from my general extreme distain for stupidly loud things, on through to much deeper-seated anxieties.

I am not a fan of fire,  for the most part. 
Highrise living allowed me to indulge that distain, and I rock a Charbroil Patio Bistro for a grill, and a firepit that “burns” giant sterno cans. No plans to switch any of that up just because I technically can now that we are living at ground level.

But the whopper, the real defining moment in the history of me that probably led to all of my “down with the damn fireworks” and “love America? BBQ, have a beer and effing go to bed already” sentiment is, as so many stories from my childhood are, a story about a time I peed my pants.

Yep. 
I was a pants pee’er. Like WAY past when it is ok to do it… like “spare pair of pants in the clinic at school in MIDDLE school” situation..

And one year on the 4th of July, in this very town, probably around age 7 or so, I hopped in our neighbor’s brand spankin’ new super sweet truck with my sister and his daughters and off we went to the local fireworks display.

Details are hazy after that. I remember it being loud, being too scared to get up to pee during the show, and at some point I peed.

I remember lysol and swearing coming in a cloud from the back seat of that truck parked in the neighbor’s driveway the next morning.

And years later when he became a councilman, and then the mayor, all I could ever think was “peed your truck at the fireworks dude… sorry.”

Throw in the fact that they moved the town display from the pee park location to a newer park that is so close to where we live now that the damn windows rattle from the noise of the show, AND that the burbs are crawling with dumbasses firing illegal “home” fireworks off trying to burn my damn house down (it seems,) and I’m about as happy as I am on gynie visit day on the 4th of July.

We have plenty of pictures and old home movies of tiny me crying while someone tried to give me a sparkler and my sister danced around making firey patterns with hers in the background. (WTF, people? “Here kid, here’s your STICK OF FIRE to hold… America, eff yeah!” Just no.)

My nerves are shot, my dog is a quaking mass of panic, the white noise machines in my kid’s room are as loud as they can go to drown all that noise out.

So for pity’s sake neighbors… put that fire shooter down (in a bucket of water, yo,) and grab a drink and come sit next to my fire pit… I just put in a fresh set of fuel cans and I’ll infrared you a burger on my grill.

Let’s end the cycle of suburban holiday pants peeing here and now. It could be your dualie I soil next.

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Time flies?

So.
It’s been a year.
I knew we were close to the date, but wasn’t sure exactly until we got our automated “it’s been a year since you closed on your home!” email from our realtor.

I guess I should stop saying I “just moved back” now, eh?

Still a total fish out of water, but I did finally find a hair stylist I love (if I moved, she’d totes be commute worthy,) and we see a lot more Grayton than we do Mega Coon (YOU BASTARD,) of late;  as predicted I haven’t suffered from a lack of 2 a.m. grocery access, and we continue to grow a list of freaking awesome restaurants and funky shops that are local and amazing.
In addition,  we are sneezing distance from achingly delish humanely produced Beef, Bison, Eggs, Poultry,  Lamb, and Cheese and the pricing is better because I drive to them instead of them driving to the farmers market in the city. (Mmmmmm….meeeeeeeat.)

I’ve even cracked my way into the good graces of one of the neighborhood SAHMs. (Well, Jr did really,  they have a kiddo his age and she’s been warm in welcoming us to come play a bit after my working-mom self collects Jr from daycare. )
Guess they figure we aren’t going anywhere;  and that crazy blonde lady isn’t going to stop running all over the hood with her tattoos hanging out, dragging her punk band t-shirt wearing toddler behind her in the wagon looking for some playdate action, so they are giving in.

A few months into this family exodus from our urban beginnings, a like-minded coworker told me that although her current address wasn’t her ideal abode locale, it is about blooming where you are planted.

Maybe, just maybe, that is what I am learning to do.

(But seriously… it’s a minivan, not a tank, “ladies.”  Let’s keep it cool out there –  the waterpark/library/grocery store/dance class/what-the-hell-EVER you are late to isn’t going anywhere, and there will be 800 free parking spots for that monstrosity when you roll up.)

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