Next time I’ll just get Tex-mex. Just Sayin’.

Did a little “Happy Hour at Home” situation with a girlfriend yesterday (drink wine, eat, talk, and cackle while the kiddos play in the back yard happily? YES PLEASE,) So I rolled into the local BBQ joint to pick up some to-go for us.
It went a little something like this:
Me: ::staring blankly at board, mouth gaping and eyes squinting::
Owner behind counter: ::approaches register while watching for visual cue that I am ready to order::
Me: “Sorry, I am just suffering from option anxiety today….”
Owner: “Ha ha – I haven’t heard that before…. I will have to use it.” (really!? You haven’t heard that? Option anxiety is a constant struggle for me. I use that term on the regular.)
Me: “I’ll do a half pound of the brisket, a pint of mac and cheese, and a pint of potato salad. Do you think that is enough for two women who like to eat?”
Owner: “Well, maybe – but what you could do is add on a side of hot links…”
Me: “ oh no – we don’t like the sausage.. Not just your sausage, we don’t do anybody’s sausage, we aren’t sausage kind of ladies.”
Me: “no no… that sounded like I was making a whole different kind of statement then I meant to. We like the…. We are married ladies… we have husbands… we….”
Owner: :::mouth opens. Nothing comes out. Face turns red.:::
Me: “Let’s just add a half pound of the pork too.”
Owner: “ yeah, that is probably best.”

I should come with a warning label or something.
“Warning – awkwardness of woman is much larger than it appears.”
Just sayin’.

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The only two songs my kid will listen to.

Jr looks a lot like The Mr.

Like, A LOT A LOT.

When they handed his burrito-swaddled brand-new little self to me in the hospital, I literally gasped because it looked like someone had thrown my husband into the hot cycle of the dryer, shrunk him down, and stuck a tiny snow hat on him. He is a total Mini Mr.

Watching them sometimes, being all twinny-looking and laughing at the same jokes (because a boy is a boy is a boy, no matter how old… so burps and made up words are mega funny,) and just generally matching each other, I feel a little left out.

Where is the part of him that is from mommy? What of me reflects through him?

It isn’t much, but there is one thing. Music.

My kid is straight up mine when it comes to musical taste right now – he doesn’t go in for any “Grateful Deadful” junk that daddy tries to lay on us in his car. NO NO – he is all in for the mom jamz.

And mom has some wiggity wack taste in tunes, so him sharing that with me (for now) is kind of everything.  (We’ve already determined I am kind of all over the place… It is my birthright as a Gemini)

HOWEVER – since he is 4, he is smack in the center of the “if I love something I will play/read/listen to/watch it over and over until everyone near me kind of wants to kill whatever it is dead” phase.

So with that in mind I present to you, the only two songs my kid will listen to:

This honky tonk lament, which takes a second to get actually going, that he refers to as “The Fibble Song” (Fiddle)

And this little piece of punk perfection which he requests by commanding “PLAY OK, PLAY OK” from the back seat of the MUV.

That he loves these two so fiercely and so equally fills me with parental pride.

Yep… he’s just like mom.

(Treasure the thoughts of your shared fart jokes while you listen to your crunchy jam-bands alone, husband – Jr’s on board the momma music train.)


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That perfect look. Just Sayin’.


Not for long, Swarm!

Ahhh… Nothing like a day where your whole look just comes together…
Hair on point, outfit bangin’, even the bag is hanging just so in the crook of your arm.

Get it girl.

And then you trip 2 feet from the front door of the office building and throw your bucket-sized iced green tea all over the front of yourself.

Why do I even try?
Just Sayin’.

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Visiting Brutus.

Two Saturdays ago my mom dropped us, along with the GIGANTIC pile of crap that has to be dragged along when traveling with a small child (or maybe just my small child – but keep opinions about that quiet for Keri’s sake, m’kay,) off at the airport at a semi-insanely early hour of the day.

We checked my humongous suitcase at the counter -attention to The Mr: I am packing for TWO in that thing, OK? Most of that stuff is totally for Jr, not really I swear! Then I wheeled Jr’s carseat strapped to an old school folding luggage cart through security, on to the train and to the gate for gate-checking, and off we went to the great state of Ohio for a week of family fun with The Mr’s extended family.

In honor of this trip, I present to you:

Keri’s Fun Facts From Family Vacation!

  1. Southwest loaner car seats are actually really nice – as we learned when ours remained (lonely and abandoned) on the jet way in Denver while we jetted to the Buckeye state. It arrived later that day on a different flight – I hope they gave it a juice box and some pilot wings, flying alone is scary!
  2. Evidently, to a 4 year-old, one has not truly visited a place unless one has pooed in a potty at that place. (This includes, but is not limited to, private homes, restaurants, quaint destination Inns, and coffee shops.)
  3. My father-in-law’s chocolate martini recipe isn’t NEARLY as complicated as I previously imagined. (So. Damn. Good.)
  4. It is a good thing I took the giant suitcase *ahem, husband, as the amount of gifts bestowed upon Jr by The Mr’s generous family meant we needed the space (and my luggage gained 5 lbs.)
  5. Speaking of gaining 5 lbs… the Midwest has a LOT of good food. I did my best to eat it all.
  6. Fireflies are kinda scary looking in the full light of day.
  7. If you ask Jr about the Columbus Zoo, where he spent like, 5 fun filled hours looking at all the animals and frolicking in glee, he will only tell you that the animatronic pirate out front “was scary but it’s ok ‘cause he can’t move from there.” (oh, pooed at the Zoo too, BTW.)
  8. Deep-fried,Bacon-wrapped Deviled Eggs are an actual thing. Long live The Walrus !
  9. Ohio Squirrels don’t look like Colorado Squirrels – they grow ‘em lean and scrappy in the O.H.
  10. You can get Brutus the Buckeye on literally ANY product you could ever think of in your mind. EVER.
  11. O-H-I-Oh my effing gawd does humidity jack up Keri’s hair.
  12. Most importantly: You can pack a lot of family fun and shenanigans into one week!

I am not going to lie – travel sometimes takes me out of my comfort zone, and there were some moments that I was definitely not at my best as a mom, (there was a particularly horrifying moment involving an airport escalator that is burned into my mind with regret.)

But I hope that Jr’s memories of this trip will be of all the fun adventures he had; of chasing his big cousin Adam around bugging him to play; of his great uncle calling milk “Moo Juice” and giving him high-fives; of his GaGa and Grandpa watching him proudly display his gymnastic moves in the twilight of the front yard; of late bedtimes and sweet treats and new experiences… and most importantly, of the amazing amount of love he got to soak in from his wonderful extended family during his first trip to “where Brutus lives.”

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Always level-headed. Just sayin’.

So I was moving stuff around in the open garage with my keys in my pocket when the MUV started via remote.

I didn’t know I had that feature, so *may* have thrown keys and run shrieking “Christine! REBUKE!! Out Devil!”

This shit is why the neighbors throw me so much shade, isn’t it?

Just Sayin’.

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